Would you like to have the skill to talk endlessly? To never have an awkward silence? Feel comfortable in every social situation, knowing that you always have something to say?

I'll teach you.

Stop Filtering ​

Here's the problem many people have: they do a lot of filtering in their heads. There's a lot of noise going on. "What would be a good thing to say?", "Think of something interesting..."

This filtering takes up a lot of mental processing power. It's exhausting and time-consuming.

It's also challenging to come up with something witty right off the bat. That's like someone asking you to make a really funny joke at some arbitrary moment. It doesn't work like this. Good jokes and topics arise dynamically and naturally from the moment.

Everything You Say is Cool ​

Instead, say whatever you want to say at that moment. It might not be the most interesting thing in the world, but you're just throwing it out there.

In the process of talking about "boring stuff," every once in a while, something interesting comes up. It happens because you create all these associations.

Remember this: everything you say, is awesome because it comes from you. Carve it into your mind.

Be Present in the Moment ​

Do not try to think ahead. Be fully in the moment when the other person is talking.

Even if the other person says something that reminds you of something.

Don't try to queue it up and remember it while he is talking. Let it go. Otherwise, you ruin the vibe.

Trust that you'll come up with something. And you will.

People say they run out of things to say. Do you run out of thoughts? No, there's always a thought. If there's a thought, there's something to say.

You can even verbalize that you ran out of things to say.

Overall, be okay with whatever happens. Don't try to resist or control.

It's Not the "What" ​

This brings be to the next principle: What you say isn't nearly as impactful as how you say it.

Look at some of these famous rappers whose lyrics aren't exactly complex. But many people love them because it's about the vibe, not the content.

I mean, you could be saying the most deep and interesting things but if you're monotone and not expressive, they tune off. It's boring.

Now, this is the opposite of a professional setting where you need to be concise, and precise, and where the content is very important. But this is not what this article is about.

Don't Get Stuck on One Topic ​

Try to cover a wide array of topics (and emotions).

It's cool if you and your conversationalist have something in common - e.g., you both go to the gym. That gives you something to talk about. But if all you talk about is the gym, you'll eventually exhaust that topic, and it'll be weird. Also, you'll be remembered as "the gym guy/girl" and nothing more.

So, don't get stuck on that for too long, switch it up to something else.

And that "something else" can be completely random. People think they need to transition to the other topic smoothly. No, you don't. And it's in fact better if you don't.

So you could be talking about gym exercises, and then ask about the existence of aliens. And after that, the best ice cream flavors. Whatever pops up.

That's also a good way to not be boring.

What Excites You? ​

Talk about the things you're passionate about.

If you're excited about Pokemon cards, talk about them.

Don't try to adapt the topics to the other person. Do not try to figure out what the other person might find interesting.

Remember, it's about the energy not about the content.

Talking about something you care about is great because you will naturally be excited as you talk about it. Your vibe will draw people in.

Until next time!

kristjan