Stop Asking for Permission

What is permission seeking and why you need to make your own decisions.

Kristjan Vingel profile

Kristjan Vingel

I originally wrote this article in early April – but never published it. So it just sat on my desktop. Until now. It's the same with photos, it's a good idea to let them marinate a bit. Then come back to them later.

This topic has been on my mind for a long time. And I keep coming back to it.

I rarely visit Reddit but when I was doing the #75hard program, I sometimes peeked it's subreddit.

I saw this so called "permission-seeking" a lot in there. Especially by those who failed the program for their various reasons.

The reasons might've been completely legitimate, like someone had a minor car crash and that was their reason to stop the program.

I get it, it's okay.

However I feel underneath of many those posts lies the subtle want of approval from the community. Maybe even pity.

Underneath one can still feel a "I still did good, right? It was okay to fail for this reason?" vibe.

It's a way to legitimate your failing, so you wouldn't feel bad about it. You're asking others if it is okay.

But people ask approval for all kinds of things.

In my field many ask questions such as "should I learn C++?" or "What should my next project be?". "Should I do X, Y or Z next?"

Look, you are the captain of the ship of your life. You make decisions. Nobody can do them for you. What might work for someone might not work for you – and vice versa.

Learn what you want to learn and build what you want to build with the tools you want

You are the CEO of your life, whether you like it or not.

k.

Kristjan Vingel profile

Written by

Kristjan Vingel

Hi, I'm Kristjan. I'm a software engineer from Estonia. I like to write about life and self-development.